People look at sweet little Lucy and are smitten by her cuteness. Then they see the dimple and they are slayed. Me too. It’s interesting, though, that everyone always asks the same 2 questions: “Are you so happy?” or “Isn’t being a mom so fun?”
Those 2 questions always seem to throw me for a loop. "Happy" and "Fun" aren't exactly the first two adjectives that come rushing to my mind. Either I didn’t get the memo or all these people just forgot how long the sleep-deprived hangover phase lasted. I definitely think the “joy and rejoicing” part comes a little later when brushing my teeth is something I can actually do every day. Right?
I sometimes feel like the worst mom ever when I have to admit this motherhood thing is definitely kicking my butt. Or the thoughts at 2am and 3am and 4am and again at 5am where I envision a “Free Baby” sign on my lawn. It’s so much harder than I thought, but then again, that’s part of my problem. I thought I could just drop a baby into my already busy life and be fine. Man, am I getting schooled.
I was reaching out to an old friend of mine, Morgen, who just had baby #3. I asked her if it somehow got easier because I just can’t imagine putting myself through this again on purpose!
She laughed at me and told me I needed to change my expectations. She even said, “If you expect life to be like pre-baby with just a little one dropped in you are bound to be frustrated and exhausted and feel totally unproductive in life. But, if we embrace this chapter for what it is and accept the new pace and level of productivity that means a successful to-do list is one that only has keeping baby alive on it, then it all goes along pretty well. Time is going to pass, so might as well enjoy the ride with the little ones.”
What perfect advice for a novice like me. Thanks Morgen. So, you guessed it. I am re-evaluating my expectations and now I only have one thing on my to-do list, which is keeping the sweet little Lucy bean alive. And, you should know, I’m doing a really great job! :)
Kids...the great equalizer! I'm so glad I found your blog and I particularly loved this entry.
ReplyDeleteHi Kindee!
ReplyDeleteWell after just having #4 I would have to say it does get easier. I (we) had seriously forgotten how hard it is to have a new baby, you'd think we'd have gotten it the first three times around! :) It is never easy, but sleeping helps alot! Morgan is right the only importaint goal right now is to keep everyone alive. :) And remebering your not alone helps too, I always feel better after being with other moms doing the same thing at La Leche meetings! Hope things smooth out soon!
this is my favorite blog post ever!
ReplyDeletethanks for being so open and honest.
take care, kindee!
megan
Kindee--just found your blog from Megan and Vinny. I can't even tell you how many times I have felt the same thing. We had 4 in 4.5 years and I have to say that pretty much every minute of it has kicked my butt.
ReplyDeleteI actually just spent Monday night in the ER with one of mine who decided that it was a good idea to swallow some of my medicine. Some days I feel like if I (and they) survive this it will be a miracle. Then they smile and kiss and hug me and I realize that I am right where I need to be...even if it is in the emergency room. I miss you. See you in about a month!
-Sarah
This post reminds me of talking a lot when we had dumb room mates and we were making life-altering decisions. Is it because we're old and we had to be self-motivated before having a baby? I didn't even have the physical recovery and it still messed with my mind. I'm my own worst enemy lately, too. (Dirty house? I'll just take the lid off the blender while it's still on and full of smoothie - that'll give me something to really cry about.)
ReplyDeleteANYWAY! You're beautiful and I came to your blog to be inspired. I am - and not in the way I thought I would be. Thanks for sharing all of it. :)
-Nicole (formerly Lee - ha! my maiden name sounds funny with a lot of words)